Alright, confession time. I didn’t get around to doing my silence thing yesterday. My wife and I were running amok and by the time we got home it was ridiculously late. Alas, I suck.
Besides that little hiccup, I’ve been doing pretty well at it. I’m finding it harder than I initially thought it would be. The act of doing it isn’t so bad, but the often lackluster results are the part that’s hard to take. Even the days in which I’m really looking forward to it end me being quiet versus being truly silent.
I think the distinction between the two is mindset. Being quiet consists of not talking. Being silent is an entire state of mind… It’s more than not talking, it’s truly existing as fully as you can within the silence. Listening to nothing but your pulse in your ears as you wait for something… anything to come to you. It doesn’t always. And that’s the hardest part. Being silent is so different from my normal state of being that I feel like as soon as I’m doing it something magical should happen. It doesn’t always. Sometimes it just means I’m sitting in an empty room for an hour.
On the flip side of the coin, I’m finding that my original intention for Silence might have been too narrow. Originally I had thought that it boiled down to being silent so that one could hear anything that God might be saying. While that’s certainly a part of it, I feel like there may be more utility to be found within the practice. As a means of both meditation (Which I may look into a little more in depth later) or as a means of guiding focus on something, it seems very appropriate. For example, entering into silence with no agenda is certainly a valid way to experience it… But I’m beginning to think doing so with a question might be better. The question would help bring focus to thoughts and provide a reference point you could come back to.
Regardless, I’m halfway through this process and though it hasn’t necessarily been life changing just yet, I’m confident that there is a lot of depth to this simple practice.