Prayer: Day X

This has been a heckuva week. As I’ve mentioned on here, I’ve been in the process of writing a screenplay for a contest here in Knoxville. Since writing movies is pretty much what I want to do I decided it was important to follow through with it. I’m happy to say that as of last Thursday, I completed my very first movie script. I’m still in the process of tweaking and proofing, but I’m submitting it to the contest on Tuesday. After staying up until 3am for multiple nights for two weeks, this is the first time the idea of writing anything else has been appealing, so… Here I am.

I’m happy to report that my little experiment has been a rather… shocking success. Since I made my decision to give prayer another shot, God has seemingly been more present… Not like… “we’re in the same room, let’s talk”… but more like sending correspondence to each other.

Honestly, I feel a bit like a businessman getting wined and dined by a perspective employer who wants to leave a good impression. The first few days I decided to push myself to pray, God seemingly managed to answer in a consistent fashion. I don’t think I prayed for specific things… but I showed up and let him know some of the issues I was concerned about. Lo and behold, those concerns were suddenly met with resolution that I’m not sure I could have single-handedly provided.

When I first decided I was going to make this script happen no matter what, it was really hard going.  I had a lot of questions about the story I was writing that I didn’t know the answers to. Logistical things, reasons things would happen one way versus another, etc. These were the things I was concerned with when I prayed my first stuttered, halting prayer… And literally not more than five minutes after saying them to God, did answers pop right into my head that were so simple I wasn’t sure how I missed them before.

This happened several times… Enough that I started feeling gutsy enough to let God in on some of the specific things that I was worried about… and one by one I’ve watched those things get handled just as well.

Honestly, I’m kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  There’s a part of me that is constantly telling myself to be guarded about this… To not just fly off the handle and believe that all of these things have been done because I said something in my head that was directed to God.But then there’s the rest of me… The rest of me just wants to let go and believe that it’s fixed. That this chasm between me and God has just been randomly filled back in and things can go on like they always had… As is so often the case, I believe the truth probably falls somewhere in between these two things.

So… I’m grateful. I’m grateful that the problems and issues I’ve had have been wonderfully resolved… and I’m nervous. Because I feel like God already disappeared on me once. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it if it happens again… But I know that remaining still and doing nothing simply isn’t an answer… So… I will continue praying. I will continue to be careful, and I will be a little guarded with my heart. Maybe eventually I’ll get back to that “all in” place I was at before… but until then, this doesn’t feel like a bad place to be at the moment.

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