Hindsight Is Always 20/20…

Recently I just applied for a new job with a different company. The position is an “Online Producer” which means I’d be doing a lot of work updating websites, building some HTML/CSS, and doing video blogs. I’m really hoping to hear back from them. As part of that, I’ve been working on assembling a portfolio… Something I probably should have been doing consistently over the last ten years of my life. In order to find samples that show off my writing prowess, I’ve started going through the blog I wrote in prior to this one.

Between 2005 and 2006 there are about fifty posts that still seem well-written and insightful. It wasn’t until I managed to print out my collection of “Best Of”s, that I started to realize something…

The prayer group that I was in love with ended in 2005.
I stopped taking Communion in 2006.
I left Johnson Bible College in 2007.
I grew disenfranchised with church and left in 2008.

Is it any wonder that I found myself starving for some form of spiritual nourishment? All the things that used to feed me were one by one excised from my life. In the interim, I never figured out a means of keeping myself fed. All the ways I used to find God were completely passive; I just had to show up and open my mouth and food was flung at me. At no point did I learn how to cook.

At its outset, that’s what this blog was intended to be: A cookbook of spiritual recipes written in the hope that one might fill me up. Things didn’t quite pan out that way. More than any attempt at finding God through random activities, it has been my slow and deliberate re-introduction back to church that has given me the meat I was in such desperate need for.

So where does that leave us? Well, this blog was created to be a record of all the places in which I’ve hunted for God. That is what it shall remain, though I think I’ve chosen to keep the structure organic rather than rigid. Instead of keeping to the ten day schedule I had planned, I’m simply going to write about God as I find and experience Him. What I find myself  needing right now isn’t a recipe book as much as it is a map. As I continue to explore my Christianity and toe the boundaries of where it is I find myself, this blog will be a record of all that I find.

For the first time in a very long time, the smell of spring is in the air. I can’t say that I’m totally fixed or things between God and I are perfect… But they’re a lot closer than they have been in years.

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One response to “Hindsight Is Always 20/20…

  1. I have been aware of the pattern of “loss” in your life for a while. Rather than butt in with unwanted advice, or inundate you with psychobabble, I felt it greater wisdom to let you find your way through the loss on your own. What you’ve come through has had its “symptoms” of a spiritual/emotional grief response. Clearly, you had to grieve these losses your way. And, as always, God has not wasted your pain. He has instead allowed you to learn from these experiences…and here you are now…feeling a breath of fresh air wafting your way.

    Glad you’re tracking your progress…this will be good reading!

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