I’ve known since I was sixteen that I wanted to make movies. As I got older, the dream began to grow in the form of generating content of any type that causes people to ask themselves questions they might not have otherwise asked. I’ve got dreams. Big ones, and I’ve had them for over a decade now. But they haven’t come to fruition yet. Why is that?
Ambition. Or, more accurately, the lack of ambition. Dreams without ambition are damned to live confined within the depths of our heads… It’s ambition that wrestles them out of our skulls and into the light of reality. For years now, I’ve been content to keep a dream menagerie inside my brain; all the while believing that perhaps at some point luck, or God, or something would drop an opportunity into my lap to breathe life into these ideas.
And… that’s possible, God could totally do something like that. He’s got “juice” as they say, and he’s my number one fan. (And yours too.) I think what I’ve started to realize, though, is that I’ve not given God a lot of wiggle room to work his magic. While God could do anything, I feel like probability and statistics still play a role… He might have a harder time getting me to the right place if I’m content sitting and watching the grass grow.
If you’ve followed along with my blog over the course of the past few months, you may have read a few posts about a possible promotion at work. Currently I work in a soul-crushing office job, and I’ve found myself longing more and more to spend my time doing something truly creative and good while at the same time making enough money to continue to live indoors. Things looked really good for a while, and then all of a sudden everything stopped. My place of employment has made it pretty clear that having a videographer on staff is not a priority.
This is a bummer. But, I think that maybe God knows what he’s doing… because in the light of this rejection, I’m beginning to feel something I haven’t ever felt before… the intense desire to do something. Anything. I don’t care what it is, so long as it’s creative, and it’s cool and it has the potential to really say something. I want to write scripts, and film short movies, and spruce up the blog, and take pictures, and for all intents and purposes, become a content-generating machine… But I know this isn’t going to be easy.
After eight hours of soul-crushing, the last thing I want to do is set my soul free on a flight of fancy. I want to seclude myself in my room, play a video game, and possibly watch a tv show with my wife. It has been this exact sentiment that has led to me not having much to show for all the dreaming I do… so it’s time for it to change. I’m not looking forward to typing emails all day and then coming home and typing and thinking about a script… But I think it’s something I have to do if I’m ever going to grow. Plus, the morestuff I create, the more opportunities I give God to be able to get them into the eyes and heart of the right people.
This is all still kind of a jumbled mess in my brain right now. I’m not sure what trying to make this goal of content-creation a reality is going to look like… But if anything I’ve said has struck a chord in you, if you’re living the buttoned-down creative half-life, let me know. Maybe together we can start a stampede that breaks out of the menagerie, and into the real world.