The church I attend has a series we do every summer called “My Most Important Question”, in which members of the congregation come forward and talk about the questions they’re wrestling with on a spiritual level. For the past several years, I’ve known exactly what my question would be: “Why did God stop talking? Why did he go silent? Why did he decide to leave me alone?”
For the first time in literal years, I feel like these questions have found their resolution. I know I still talk about The Great Silence pretty frequently, but it’s becoming increasingly past-tense. It’s no longer a struggle that’s coloring my entire world… It’s a struggle that has colored me. The person I am, the Christian I am as I exist today is one that bears the scars of lessons learned.
I find myself stepping into unfamiliar territory… I’m no longer walking the perimeter of the same charred circle; instead I’m venturing into an unknown land that is bursting with hidden treasure and milk and honey…And I’m sure it will also have its share of thistles and thorns. But before I enter into the heart of this yellow wood, I’ve found myself enjoying the safety and comfort of a small inn.
The furnishings are meager but suitable; the meals are small but there are three of them a day. I’ll take some time here to truly digest the things I’ve learned before heading back out onto the path less traveled. After my time spent in the Outlands of Broken Faith, this place has offered me a warm bed and a welcome respite from the questions that used to plague me…
And yet… I know that this time is intended to prepare me for what comes next. At the moment, my faith consists of a collage of ideas and thoughts that have come from a variety of sources. At this time, in this moment I suppose my most important questions is this: Have I gone too far? The Faith that’s in my heart right now is probably a lot more inclusive than most. Has it become so inclusive that it’s become generic? Have I stopped believing in a just God, but instead shifted my faith over to a yellow smiley face that says, “I’m okay, you’re okay?”
I don’t know. But I hope to figure it out before my path diverges.