A few months ago I wrote about my almost-promotion. Several months later, I am quite sad to inform you that since that post, absolutely nothing has changed. It’s… Well, it’s a bummer. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been looking for other jobs pretty consistently and have yet to find anything that would be more than a lateral move.
Without a word of confirmation in any direction, I’ve just been left to spoil on the vine. For a time, this had led to me swinging between hopeless despair and blistering anger every time I woke up on a weekday. Fortunately, this has been changing of late.
When my aunt and uncle visited recently, I told them of my plight at work. They said something that has lodged itself into my brain like a splinter. “What if God has you where you’re at for some reason you can’t see yet? What if your job right now is to learn patience? What if God is just trying to teach you to be okay with waiting?” Or, as my church says anytime we encounter a scripture that might have a deeper meaning than it seems… “What if this isn’t about that?”
For the past several years, I’ve been working a job simply because it was there and it helped keep food on the table. I’ve always kept my occupation compartmentalized from the rest of my life. I had my art stuff, my personal stuff, my spiritual stuff, and my work stuff. When it appeared that this promotion was on its way to going through, I really thought it was simply the culmination of a clever strategy I devised in the Work Stuff realm. When nothing came of it, it was disappointing because clearly, my strategy had not been successful.
But what if the promotion (or lack thereof) isn’t actually about me? Maybe God shut this particular door because it led to a dead end? Or perhaps he closed this one, so that there would be no question when I came to the next? In more literal terms, what if God doesn’t want me spending my time, effort, and energy working for a random corporation? Perhaps he’s maneuvering contacts and situations so that I can use my talents for a company with a mission to Do Good in the community?
I suppose, the bottom line is that over the years, God has proven to me time and time again that he doesn’t forget about us. I truly believe that God has given me a set of talents and abilities and that he supports my endeavor to use them to support my wife and I. He put in me a love of creating media, of using my words, of computers and technology. I feel like that’s what I have been created to do. So I’m going to keep doing my very best to keep my eyes open to find ways of doing just that.
I think I’ve decided that it’s my job to look for and open every door I come across. It’s God’s job to tell me to go through the door.