It’s been an insane couple of months. I’ve spoken in detail about the roller coaster that is NaNoWriMo, and that’s more than enough to keep one busy. What you don’t know, is that simultaneous to that, we received a letter from our landlords telling us they were choosing not to renew the lease on our home. Six days in to attempting to write a novel, we began searching for a new place to live.
Fortunately, finding our new place didn’t take long. After four days of searching, we fell in love with a place in an area of Knoxville that walks the line between bohemian artsy folk and the ghetto. Once that was done, life became a blur of pixels on the screen and boxes on the floor as we began packing and trying to get the move organized.
We officially moved in one week ago, and in the course of our first weekend we got the entire house unpacked except for one room. This is actually the first time I’ve sat at a computer with the thought of writing anything in my head for a week or two. And God stuff? I think the last time I really sat and pondered anything on a terribly grand scale was sometime in October.
When I was younger, that fact would have sent me swirling down a shame spiral until I landed in its center, completely unable to think about anything other than what a failure as a Christian I was. I guess I’ve had a few paradigm shifts since then.
The first has to do with our communication with God. At some point, I think I’ve begun to accept that I believe that God is always around. That may seem obvious, but when I was young I felt like I had to “catch God up” on what had been going on in my life if I went more than a day and a half without praying. Somewhere along the way I’ve internalized the idea that God is always right here. He was with me when Nano swallowed my soul, and he’s been beside me as I stuffed every box and threw it into our van.
There hasn’t been much direct communication between God and myself, and yet I feel like he gets it. I’m not saying that prayer isn’t necessary or that going months without centering yourself should be normative, but I feel like God isn’t holding the lack of direct communication against me. He’s been here, seeing how busy things have been and he’s been waiting like a gentleman.
And I think that’s the second paradigm change… God isn’t angry or upset, he’s just patient. I guess I feel like I’ve called a time out in my spiritual life, and God has been waiting on the sidelines waiting for me to yell “Time In!”. No malice, no anger or tears on his part. He gets that life gets crazy sometimes and when we get ourselves sorted, he’ll be there, ready to pick back up where we left off.