The Crash of an Epiphany

by Jeremy Bacher

I don’t know that I am able to explain or even understand what it means for “the Spirit to move in me.” I do know that this doesn’t typically happen at appropriate moments in time, or should I say the expected moments in time. I couldn’t tell you the last time I was moved to tears or heavily felt the weight of the God fall on me in the confines of a “church.” Actually, I could but that is for a different day. Suffice it to say that it has been years.

I know that I live with a guard up. I believe that this is a reaction mechanism to the stories and events in my own life. I would say that there are very few people who truly know and understand who I am and what I want in life, but there are many who have a vague idea of what that is. My dreams are deeply buried beneath whatever I am distracted by at the moment. My longing to help and my spiritual heartache for the poor, abandoned, and helpless is neatly compartmentalized and shelved away to seemingly only to be accessed at random moments in time when I am alone. Does this constitute sin? Am I quenching the Spirit with distractions?

Periodically I will inexplicably be brought to tears by something in such an instant that after the fact I have to go back and figure out what it was that brought me to that point. This happened to me recently while I was watching the film adaptation of Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz. There is a moment when one of the main characters abruptly and loosely quotes Mother Teresa saying, “The spiritual poverty of the West is more terrible than the physical poverty of the East.” In that moment, I lost it. Tears flowed and sobs echoed from floor to ten foot ceiling in my apartment. Deep spiritual truths that are embedded in my soul were awakened in an instant. The process in which this happened was similar to the moment right before you know you are about to be in a car wreck. Thought after thought moves through your mind in mere seconds with full comprehension of all of them. Apply brakes. Still sliding and will inevitably hit this car if I don’t do something else. Check blind spot and start to swerve. Stop swerving because you are going to hit another car. Pump brake, still sliding. Brace for impact. People are desperate for God. They don’t even realize it. It isn’t just about forgiveness of sins but truly experiencing life. God longs for us to reach for Him. He wants us. We must do this together. I am part of this.

I don’t understand why it happens this way. I know that the Spirit moving in my soul like that is potent and extremely concentrated. Next step? Take that concentrated epiphany and apply it to daily life, not watered down but like a glaze that completely encapsulates and changes what lies underneath.

 Jeremy Bacher is a 26 year old perpetual student who has a passion for coffee, food, beer, and all things delicious and complex. While finishing up his undergrad work in political science, with a focus on political philosophy at the University of Illinois – Springfield he is pursuing management in a corporate coffee setting while enjoying the intricacies of marriage and life. @chewbacher


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